Liz Lemon!

Everything reminds me of my brother.  Everything.  I see a Liz Lemon quote, I laugh and think, "OMG, I have to call B!" only to quickly remember he's still hospitalized in ICU.  This morning, while watching Sportscenter, it happened again.  I plan on making spaghetti and realize that I can't save him any because he won't be eating it for a while.

God help me if anything happens to my brother....God help me indeed.

Solemn Days

So, high risk dictates your due date.  We will not make it to 40 weeks.  Instead, we will be induced sometime after 38 weeks which is about 2 weeks away.  At first, it caused much anxiety because we are still missing a few key items for his arrival but then excitement settled in.  We'll be meeting our son sooner than later and that make me and my body very happy.  My body is aching.  The Kid's squirms, kicks and stretches are painful.  It's not a bad thing.  After all, it's what he's supposed to be doing but oy, it hurts.  Excitement is building.

And then you have days like today where you think about the people who won't be here to greet The Kid's arrival.  People who would have beamed with pride and shed tears of happiness with you.  People that, when they held your son, would make your heart burst into a million little pieces.  People like my Grandpa.  It's makes me incredibly sad that he won't be here.  He won't be able to hold my son, his great-grandson, and beam with pride.  He won't be able to tell me how proud he is of me.  He won't be here to plant a kiss on my cheek.  Most of all, he won't be able to make me smile when I see him holding my son.

Perhaps its the rain that makes me think about all of this but, then again, I always think about that Old Man and how much it hurts to know he's not here.  The void he left me with has been there for 14 years and it still stings thinking about the day he left that void.

Breakfast

One of the hardest things, so far, about the pregnancy is feeding myself.  My diet is so strict, moreso now than ever.  I feel as if food has become the enemy.  I eye everything suspiciously, eat it cautiously and wait the results of what my meter will tell me 2 hours later.  

Right now, breakfast is my stress.  My usual PB&J sandwich is no more, at least for a while because, according to the books my doctors have me reading, consuming peanut butter may lead to The Astronaut having asthma problems.  Say what?!  And just like that, my go-to breakfast is no more.  I like a good egg sandwich but, by the time I eat it at the office, it's cold.  Cereal and milk raise my blood glucose to really bad levels.  So, here I am, trying to research some better, quicker but still yummy breakfast options for my morning work days.  I know the yummy and healthy answer is out there.  I just have to find it.

All About Pets

Bitty Girl has ALWAYS been crazy.  I see people with their kittehs, all snuggly, letting their humans carry them, etc., Bitty Girl never did that.

 

Why can't you be normal?

You're still cute, though.

Lily, my first cat, 9 years ago.  She is a total bitch and it's that sole reason why she lives with my mom.  She refused to live with Apolo and Logan, her brothers from another litter, and even lunged at Apolo once.  Bitch.  But, I love her. 

"You think I look bad?  Shit, you should see them."

This is what happens when you're a bitch and you take on the racoons, you wear the Cone of Shame. 

My Lily, plant killer and guard dog.

Logan is all sorts of needy and whiny, but remarkably, he's the alpha male.  He has no balls so I don't get it.  I just notice that he calls the shots and he gives looks to the others and they back away.  Odd. 

Because I can. 

One of these days, I am going to buy this and find out, once and for all, what the fuck they do all day.  Maybe I'll just get shots of the couch.

Boochie, Apolo and Logan many years ago.  Sigh.

Watching me eat dinner, praying that a crumb fell or I had mercy on those eyes.  I did.  I'm a sucker.

It wasn't always cats.  I had a dog once, for about a month. 



His name was Atticus and he was magical.  Then, he grew a bit bigger than the cats and started playing a bit too rough with them.  They didn't like it so they started hiding.  They were never hiders so, I made the choice of giving him away.  The cats won, they were here first.  He was a good dog, other than the aforementioned, and was crate-trained. 

They know me well at the vet's. 

Rambling

The Final Countdown.

see more Hurr

And with that, I have Europe's song in my head.  Yea me.  Anyhow, Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, Part 1 is a few days away and I already have my tickets.  Wut, wut.  But now, I have to come to terms with the fact that the end of an era is starting.  It was a good time.  I can't recall the last time I was so captivated reading a book much less an entire series about a boy who was a wizard attending Hogwarts, a wizard school, all the while battling Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort (yea, I said it, I ain't scared).  I know they're children's books but I don't care that I waited in line to pick up some of the books, as they were newly released, with parents and their children.  I wanted my book so I could rush home, turn off the TV, the phone, and read in peace and quiet sans my gasps as shocking surprises came about as the pages turned and turned.  I was happy.  I was happy these books made me so happy.  I was happy that it got children reading again.  I was happy when some friends, some I wouldn't have pegged as readers, were huge fans.  I was happy that I got my MIL to knit me the Gryffindor scarf for Christmas one year (that I still wear).  And I was really happy when the movies were made.  I wanted to see how my visual interpretations compared to what JK Rowling, the author, and the director (various) envisioned.  They weren't all winners but regardless, they will be classics just like the books.

Oh Harry.  Oh Snape.  Oh Weasleys.  Oh Dumbledore.  You will always sit safely on my shelf. 

I Was Unprepared

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of the passing of the BNC's beloved Grandmother. If I close my eyes and transport myself out of here, I can smell her house with that Grandma smell made up of food, candles and memories. I can feel her hands so translucent, soft, warm, nurturing. I can hear her voice announcing our arrival to her home whether anyone was there or not. And most certainly I can feel the love. It was evident from our first introduction, several years before, that she held the BNC in extremely high regard. Watching them together, as the BNC turned into mush, warmed my heart. Her passing had been expected for a while but it still came as a surprise because you always think you have a little more time. And that is awful, just awful. The family, huge even by Mexican standards, slowly gathered at her home as the day progressed completely at a loss as to what to do. Grandma passed at home, in her sleep while her only daughters (2 of them) were with her. In all honesty, I had never been in a home where a body lay and simply calling Grandma that makes me feel sick to my stomach, but it was something different for me. Then again, I was not present when my own Grandfather passed away including other members of my family. My Grandpa's passing was the first funeral I had ever attended and I was 21 years old. But, it's this unfamiliarity with death that would break me to pieces the day after Grandma died because it was then when I had to put Boochie down. It was something unfamiliar to me as well. I didn't know it was going to be that hard and if you don't know something then you can't truly prepare for it. So, I fell apart very slowly. By the end of this particular 2-day period, I couldn't cry anymore. I was so defeated as I was unprepared for both of these deaths. I was unprepared to sit in a house waiting for them to show up and take Grandma away. I was unprepared to watch her get wheeled out of the house while I held my breath for what seemed like an eternity. I was unprepared to see so many people cry for the first time in the entire time I had known them. I was unprepared to say good-bye to her. I was unprepared to go home and finally succumb to the decision that had to be made concerning my cat. I was unprepared to say good-bye there too. I was unprepared to walk into the vet's office as the staff gave me The Look. I was unprepared to hold him while he went to sleep indefinitely while I cried and cried for him because I kept thinking this is not happening. I was unprepared to go to sleep without him that night. I was unprepared for the lasting effects of putting the greatest cat ever down to sleep. I was unprepared for the hole he left in my heart and my little family. I was unprepared for these back to back deaths. I was unprepared for just how awful that week was going to be. I was unprepared of how hard the life of a pet owner could be. And here I am, 2 years later, most certainly prepared but now with a bandage on my heart because that's where it hurts the most.

Grandma was buried on Halloween day and since November 1st is Day of the Dead, we will be spending the afternoon at the cemetary just like we did last year.

We totally fit.

The Results Show

I had a doctor's appointment this past Friday afternoon and while I received high marks, I received some sad news. During my 3-day CGM, my blood sugar reached 200 just 1 single time. The culprit was peanut butter. So, it is with great sadness that I part with PB. Who knew that PB would do such a thing? We had some good times there. You will be missed.