I just don't know how this happened. How did I get here? How is this possible? How did I manage to pick out a casket for my brother and not lose my shit completely? How? I had to walk away at the cemetery. I couldn't see them lower my beloved B into the ground. I couldn't even pick up his certificate last week. Too much reality.
How do I go forward? How do I exist in a world where my brother isn't? I can't pick him up. Can't call him. Can't text him. WTF? How the fuck did this happen? How the fuck did I lose the light of my life? This has always been my worst nightmare and that now I'm living it. This is some bullshit. FUCKING BULLSHIT. I feel like someone broke into my home and robbed me. Leukemia came in and robbed me of my beloved B. FUCK YOU, LEUKEMIA! FUCK YOU! How dare you think I am going to sit back and allow you to get away with this. FUCK YOU. I'm coming for you. I will work hard to keep you from doing this to someone else. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.
I miss my brother so much. I love him so much. I'm so broken inside. I'm so lost. I wait for him to come into my dreams. I want to tell him once more of how much I love him, how much he means to me. What is a sister called when she loses her little brother?
I love you, B. I love you so much. I'm so sorry I couldn't take this away from you. I'm sorry. I tried. I begged. I will miss you every day. I will love you more every day until we are reunited. Please, give me strength to make it until then.
All my love always,
Your sister, B.