Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Sibling Obligations

I am new to this whole Brother is sick and needs my help thing so I'm sure that I am making a lot of mistakes which in the future, long after he has recovered and is home, will make themselves known and will make me think, "Fuck.  I could have done it that way and it would have been easier."  There is no handbook with a map insert showing you how to navigate all this.  It's a heavy load to carry and yes, it's tiresome and draining but I do it because the alternative is not an option.  To continue to have my brother in my life is the only option I have and I refuse to think of living a life without him.  2 months ago was the worst.  I cried like I have never cried before, my heart hurt so very much because I came face to face with losing him.  Having the Quality of Life Talk with his doctor, consenting to a DNR, is gut wrenching.  I dreamt of eulogizing him.  For real.  WTF was that dream all about?  But now, with the little strides we have made, I now fantasize about the humongous homecoming party we are going to have.

He is awake and responsive with a move to an LTAC (long term acute care) hospital being planned.

Soon. Don't care how long it takes.